I don’t care that she’s topless with her husband in a private home. I don’t.

Um but I didn’t know this. Lainey filled me in this morning. But Kate Middleton smokes. CIGARETTES. I don’t know why this is shocking to me, her skin does have a bit of that smokers wear and tear on it. And she does lead what could be (and I’m sure is) a crazy stressful life.

I guess it just surprises me that Wills puts up with it - I’m sure most of the time, he’s all lovely dovey supportive kissey face, but I’m also CERTAIN that every once in a while his Royal spoil pops up and he makes a sudden demand about something he finds utterly repulsive and snaps and then remembers that this is his WIFE and he isn’t allowed to be such a turd burger. Unless he smokes too? Harry smokes - for sure. And when I say for sure, I’m mean it’s an obvious conclusion I’m going to make.

As a past smoker myself (I quit cold turkey 3 and a half years ago) I can see all the amazing reasons why she clutches on to that habit like nothing else, because smoking is a beautiful thing, something only a smoker can appreciate. But as well, I can also give you fifteen thousand reasons why SHE should find smoking repulsive and none of them have anything to do with health. 

1. Being uppity is fun - holier than thou is one of my favourite games to play!! Hard to holier than thou with a vice that’s kind of gross. It’s like, you think you’re better than me, well you smell like my rotting Ukrainian uncle so ya, pipe down rubadub.
2. Her beautiful, expensive clothes - stinking like cigarettes? Ew. If I ever own an Alexander McQueen, I wouldn’t want it reeking like an ashtray. Mind you, I doubt she smokes in her couture. What if she got ash marks on one of them?!
3. Her hands no doubt stink - she shakes a lot of hands. I would be highly conscious of that - shaking Obama’s hand and after, he whispers to Michelle “Why does my hand stink like a cigarette?” It’s kind of like farting in public - obviously, it just is what it is, but still, people would kind of remember if someone really important farted in front of them.
4. For someone who looks so effortlessly great as she does, she has to know the long term looks consequences, the worst of which (in my opinion) is the wrinkly lips. You know, how you get all those lip creases from sucking on a stick? Those are highly unattractive. The teeth thing is gross too, but she has the cash to get that all fixed up, no problem.
5. All that sneaking around - she already has to sneak around trying to avoid being seen by anyone at all times so she’s not caught doing something not important that anyone can draw a sensational conclusion about. What, no peanut butter?! She’s pregnant!! What, she sat beside Harry?! They’re having an affair!! What, The Queen walked in front of her, as per Royal protocal?! Her Majesty hates her!! Really - I would kick it just so I didn’t have to waste the energy trying to hide it.

PS I picked that photo because I like her outfit in it.